I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
