I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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