so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
