it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
