Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
