Sponge bath it is.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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