Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
FUCK WHALES
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
