Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
