I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I want a musical about memes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
