i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize