TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
