i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
