did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
