he shaved USA in his pubs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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