We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How naked do you want me to be?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
