you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
