i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
