in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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