you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
