I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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