She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
