I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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