ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
