wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
