I skipped work to stalk him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
