were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
