Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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