I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
