I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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