Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
OPIZZABONMYDICK
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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