Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
