perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
