Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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