Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
