i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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