you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
