Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
