I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I love having hate sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
