so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
