remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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