just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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