i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
