The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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