My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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