i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
