A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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