after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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