remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
