wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
