He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think people are normalizing furries
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
