I cockslap morals
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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