I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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