my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
