you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
