We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
