Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
