OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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