Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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