i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
