So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Randomize
