oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
