you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
