the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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