found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
