I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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