if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
