I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
