I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My balls are so social today.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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