Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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