So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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