Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
