she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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