if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
