You made me cry and you don't even care
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
