the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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