Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize